Beet, Coconut & Molasses (Nut-Free) Granola

After Easton was born, I thought, amongst other things, that I would never cook again. I was overwhelmed by motherhood, missing myself and doubting that I would be able to pull this parenting thing off. Although I was exclusively nursing, and needed fuel, I could barely bring myself to eat. When Easton was 8 weeks old, I was wearing pants two sizes smaller than I had pre-pregnancy. That’s the goal right? To lose your pregnancy weight? But, not like this. This was not the plan.

There are so many more details for that story. So many things that still manage to make me feel nervous when I think about that summer, so many things that made me worry about what the weeks would be like following the birth of my second child. But, there’s also a turning point. There was that time, somewhere around 10 weeks in, when Easton and I found a pattern and I realized I was missing my time in the kitchen.

Every day, I pulled her from the crib around 6am, fed her and then we both slept again, in my room. Around 9:30, I’d make coffee, feed her again and then, with her set in a chair in the kitchen, I cooked.

I remember making this Jalapeño Apple Jam, holding her in my arms as she became restless, for the last few minutes of stirring and testing for proper jelling. I remember prepping the eggplants for this recipe and thinking that it was way too much cheese and way not enough seasoning. And, I remember one day, after a summer of watching my sister experiment with different pancake recipes, deciding that I really wanted to eat pancakes, myself.

But, what I mostly remember from that time, was making granola.

Granola was always a treat food for me. Growing up, we only kept low-sugar cereals in the house. But, if we went on vacation, all bets were off at the hotel buffet. For me, that meant granola. I loved the clusters, the crunch and the soft raisins added to the bowl. As an adult, I sampled a few granolas, but none of them ever tasted the way I remembered. In recent years, I saw more and more granola recipes popping up, but never actually considered making a batch, still thinking of it as a special ocassion food.

Now, here I was, cooking every day, often food I was trying to make myself interested in, and I realized that I was going to make granola. What else was I going to do? I had most of the ingredients in the house for this one, which I’d read on both David Leibovitz and Orangette’s blogs, years’ before. It was fast: measuring and mixing – a dry bowl, a wet bowl and a pan.

This granola was nothing like what I remembered from growing up: no clusters, lots of spice, certainly not as irresistibly oily. But, it was perfect for me now: full of toasted nuts and sesame seeds, laced with spices and when eaten straight with almond milk, filling enough if it was the only thing I remembered to eat until dinner.

I am sure that I did not make the granola quite as often as I remember – the original recipe made so much. But, I have clear memories of making it often. With Easton in her chair, I’d set all the ingredients on the floor, next to the whisk and spatula, mixing bowls and baking pans. I’d sing her the songs that made her giggle (yep) and make funny faces, all while mixing, stirring and experimenting with different flavor combinations.

When she was 16-weeks-old, and I was just starting to find comfort in my new life, I went back to work. By that point, I had granola making down to a science and made sure to always have a container on hand. Somewhere after that first year, I made it less and less (although I did give my team big mason jars of it the following holiday season), but recently, I’ve gotten back into the granola game. Maybe it’s being home again with a baby, and again, needing to find my way as a mom. But, I think it’s also because granola makes me feel like I have the easy answer to rounding out Easton’s yogurt for breakfast.

I have changed the recipe a lot over the years, to suit our tastes, and our life. I like things with extra spices, that are not so sweet and, that hopefully, have a bit of a boosted nutritional content. And, now because Easton is in a nut-free school, I’m always tweaking our recipes to make them weekday-friendly. This version, made with roasted beets was created because I had an overabundance that needed to be dealt with. But, I remade the beet granola because I loved the slight pink tinge, the mild earthiness and the way the beets played off the toasted coconut and deep molasses.

Easton will be 3.5 this week. While I definitely experienced a dip in appetite again after Reeve was born, my bounce back was faster. New motherhood is not really the easiest way to eat. Even if you’re hungry, there’s a baby crying, just four quick things to get done before she wakes up and sometimes, showering becomes the priority over everything.

But, still, I’m eating. I’m back to the point where a bowl of granola feels like a luxury, but one I’m willing to give myself some mornings. And, it’s worth it, because whenever I pull out that purple bowl and pour in the oats, I’m back to three years ago, cooking on the kitchen floor, singing 90s rap and never imagining that I would feel nostalgic about those early days.